Jaqui's Daily Blog

Have you ever had that horrible feeling on opening, say, the dish-washer and realising that, not only has it not washed anything up but there is a nasty, sludgy pool of water lurking in the bottom?


That is what happened to me this morning. I was not a Happy Bunny. Nor was Mr B but, true to form, we approached this minor household disaster rather differently. Mr B went immediately into “Woe Is Me” mood, as is his wont.  Not only were we going to have to replace the dish-washer, at enormous expense and invonveninece, but probably all the other kitchen appliances on the basis that they were all installed at the same time and would now all, to a man (or, at least, to a machine) be approaching the End of Their Useful Lives.  I, being the practical type, started emptying the dish-washer, washing up all the dirty crockery, and using an old mug to decant the sludgy water from the bottom of our appliance.


We didn't have a dishwasher for years and years. I always maintained that I didn't really mind washing up, all those bubbles, don't you know? I wasn't so fond of drying up, to be fair. I understand that even The Queen always insistrs on wielding the dish mop, in preference to the tea towel and if it’s good enough for Her Maj then it is surely good enough for Humble Old Me. However, I do have to admit that when we actually took possession of a dishwasher (yes, the self-same machine standing uselessly in my kitchen as I write) I came to realise, pretty quickly, that it had hidden powers.  Chief among these was its ability to make the kitchen look beautifully clear, even when I hadn’t tackled the washing-up.  


Tucked away inside might be all manner of dirty dishes – but you’d never know from looking round the kitchen. (Well, provided you were prepared to ignore Mr B’s collection of coffee paraphernalia and my collection of old newspapers. Mr B would say that at least his coffee does have a place in a kitchen, unlike my newspapers.  I’m not about to argue with him, on the basis that one should never sweat the small stuff, there being plenty of meatier matters to argue about.)


The Youngest of the Darling Daughters washes all her dishes before she puts them in the dishwasher.  I can only imagine this is because she has Serious Trust Issues. At least, where machines are concerned. I never try to fill her dishwasher with dirty dishes because I know she will take them all out and re-arrange them. It’s easier to cope with the sink and suds.


Now, I do realise (though you are far too polite to say so) that you are contemplating on the fact that I have written 473 words of complete and utter drivel. You might not have estimated how many words of drivel exactly, of course, but then I have the advantage of a word count on the bottom bar of my Word program. What you almost certainly won’t know is that this drivel has been especially written in memory of my lovely friend Eve.


Yesterday was Eve’s funeral.  “A Life Less Ordinary” – those were the words on the front of the Order of Service, underneath a lovely picture which was just as I will remember her. Inside, lovely photographs of Eve as a little girl and a young woman.  Because she was more or less the same age as me, the hair style and clothes were all more than a little reminiscent of my own younger self. For each of us, tucked inside the Order of Service, a book-mark bearing her photograph to remember her by.


Eve was the founder of the Worthing Girls who meet up to enjoy sea-front walks, Sunday lunches, bus trips, games evenings, book club meetings.  You name it, we gathered – all thanks to Eve.  All you had to do was to check out the Girls’ website, look at the “Meets” planned for the following week or so and say if you were planning to come. The Girls was Eve’s legacy and oh, how we thank her for it.


Eve’s funeral was not listed among the forthcoming “Meets” but over 100 of us turned up anyway. The service was all planned by Eve herself and, as we walked into the Chapel at Worthing Crematorium, it was to the tune of “Here Come the Girls!” Trust Eve.


We sang hymns to a guitar accompaniment and touching tributes were read. I was glad of the company of my friend Eleanor, knowing that on the way home in her car we would be able to talk about how we felt – about Eve, about life and the Hereafter.


Eve loved my Daily Blog. She used to introduce me to new people by saying: “This is Jaqui. She writes an amazing blog – it’s complete and utter drivel, of course - but...” I always felt that little word "but" was rather important..


Dear Eve – I have no idea if the world wide web extends into the After Life but I like to think you are up there, sitting on a cloud, chuckling over my latest bit of drivel.


Written just for you.

Yesterday we drove home. We took it easy, but still made it home in four hours not counting a half an hour stop at the Chieveley service station where Mr B demolished a Cornish pasty and I chomped my way through a sausage roll. The West Cornwall Pasty Company always attracts Mr B especially as we can sit outside where he is allowed to smoke. It was a bit chilly but the sausage roll warmed me up...

Mr B has finally relented and agreed that we should share the driving in future whenever we are undertaking a long journey. He will, I am sure, still insist on driving to choir, to cribbage, to Tescos, to the sea-front, to the bowls club and to the Sea Lane Cafe. These are short journeys, after all, and it would offend his sense of propriety not to act the Gentleman and drive his Lady wherever she wishes to go. But for journeys to visit our Foursome and their families, for trips to far parts of the country - even, possibly, for Questers' visits if they involve Serious Mileage, I am now counted as Proficient to Drive. This despite the fact that I earned my full driving licence over forty years ago. Mr B, you can tell, took rather more persuading than the Driving Examiner.

I do remember that learning to drive, all those years ago, was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I suppose it was all that hand-eye coordination, never my strong point. Plus there's my dismal lack of spatial awareness. My father did try to teach me, when I was sweet seventeen, but gave up after a single lesson, returning home wild-eyed and white of cheek. Several years were to pass before I signed up for a course of lessons. With three young children and another on the way, it seemed sensible to try to learn how to get from A to B rather more swiftly than was possible by Shanks's Pony.

It took me three attempts to pass my test. I still recall Test Number 2 when I drove off from the test centre, full of confidence. "Pull over here," my examiner intoned - I am sure you remember that particular voice, if you've taken a driving test yourself. I did as I was told, bringing the car to a halt, perfectly aligned with the kerb. "Now close your door properly..." said the examiner. I don't know why we carried on with the test, given that I was Doomed to Fail -  but we did.

The other driving test I remember was that of the Eldest of the Darling Daughters. Have I told you this story before? Ah, well, it's probably worth repeating. I'd pulled up in my car behind my daughter, still sitting in her driving instructor's car at the end of her test. In a bid to attract her attention and ascertain if she had passed, I sounded my horn, waving frantically and making thumbs up signs. At this point, her driving instructor appeared at my car window to tell me that my daughter's test was still underway...

Oh, yes, she passed. First time, too, despite her Dreadful Mother.

My trusty Volvo did all four of my kids a good turn as they were learning to drive. Mr B, it must be said, refused to allow them to drive his car, nor would he sit beside them in the passenger seat while they were still learning but in need of practice. Oh, dear me, no - that was a Mother's Job, if ever there was one. I told each aspiring driver in turn that I was not there to teach them to drive, believing that to be strictly the province of their driving instructor. Once they were reasonably competent, I promised tham, I would sit next to them in the passenger seat so that they were "legal" and enable them to perfect their driving. I thought I did a pretty good job of keeping quiet - but the Middle of the Darling Daughters told me, quite recently, that she still recalls that I had what she termed "a fiercesome foot" on an imaginary brake pedal.

My Boy took me at my word. He would insist on driving along the narrowest of roads as I shrunk in terror at his side. Did we have to take such hazardous routes, I asked him, tremulously, couldn't we just stick to the wider roads? "It's good practice!" he assured me, nonchalantly, negotiating the Volvo between cars parked on either side of a street which was hardly wide enough for our safe passage through. He passed first time, too.

In fact, all four of my off-spring passed their driving tests first time around, which was just as well, given the cost of lessons. All that driving practice, all those nervy journeys in the passenger seat, all that virtual braking with my fiercesome foot clearly paid off. I always said that there were three things I wanted for my children. These were to put them through university, to see that they learnt to drive - and to make sure that they always wore "proper" shoes. Obviously there were lots of other things I wished for them too. Like happiness and all. But it wasn't a bad set of Aims and Objectives for a Happy and Fulfilled Adulthood.

Now on long journeys Mr B will sit beside me in the passenger seat. He will wince if I brake too sharply pulling up to traffic lights and shake his head sorrowfully when I play it cautious at every roundabout.

I, for my part, will be watching out for his fiercesome foot on that imaginary brake pedal...

Six poplars stand in a row, straight and true. They represent the firing squad.


In front of them, the figure of a young soldier, cast in stone. He has been blind-folded and he wears a target around his neck. His great-coat has been stripped of all badges, buttons and decorations, as a mark of his disgrace. The last words he will ever hear in this life are deadly indeed: "Ready. Aim. Fire!"


His name is Private Herbert Burden and he was shot at dawn at Ypres in 1915 for cowardice.


He was seventeen years old.


Mr B and I are at the National Memorial Arboretum in Alrewas, Staffordshire. We have walked to the eastern edge of the 150 acre site - the first place to see the dawn each morning - to see the Shot at Dawn Memorial and to hear its story, told by one of the knowledgeable and ever-helpful volunteer guides. It is one of many poignant moments of the many we are to experience over the course of our visit.

Behind the figure of Herbert Burden are 306 posts, each representing a soldier similarly executed by firing squad during the 1914 - 1918 War. Each post bears a name, a date, the soldier's age - where it is known: some may well have been under age when they signed up to serve their country, without the slightest notion of the horrors ahead. The posts are arranged like a Greek theatre, symbolising the tragedy of it all. These men were convicted of cowardice, desertion, disobeying an order, sleeping at their post and sentenced to death after summary trials with no adequate defence. Their deaths were intended as an example to their comrades.

Our guide reminds us that we should not apply our 2014 thinking to the circumstances of a century ago. Post traumatic stress disorder, from which many of these shell-shocked men will have been suffering, was not recognised as a medical condition until 1980. In 2006, a posthumous pardon was granted to the 306 men. It was the result of a campaign led by Janet Booth, who sought a pardon for her grand-father, Private Harry Farr. Her loving persistence paid off.

We had arrived in time for the daily Two Minute Silence in the Millennium Chapel of Peace and Forgiveness where Mr B confessed to a lump in his throat listening to the note perfect Last Post and Reveille. This is the only place in the UK where there is a daily act of remembrance at 11 a.m. After that, a trip all round the site in a land train as an introduction to this amazing and inspirational place "Where our Nation remembers."

I hadn't realised just how many memorials can be seen at the Arboretum - over 300 in all, many of them unexpected. There's a memorial commemorating members of the Showmen's Guild, complete with a brightly coloured carousel horse; a Golden Grove of trees marking couples who have celebrated their Golden Wedding; a walkway of scented plants remembering Blind Veterans UK - just think, we are off to visit their Brighton home with our Questers group next week. The very first memorial to find a home at the Arboretum was the Polar Bear Memorial, a tribute to the 49th Infantry West Riding Division. Snowed in 20 feet of snow in Iceland for most of a World War 2 campaign, the commanding officer nicknamed his men his "Polar Bears" and the name stuck. The bear is 9 foot long, 5 foot high and weighs 2.5 tonnes. Apparently there was much hilarity when this unusual wide load was transported to the site, with traffic announcements warning of a "large polar bear travelling along the M6..."

Towering above the site is the central Armed Forces Memorial, a six metre high earth mound on top of which are walls constructed of 200,000 bricks on which are the names of the 16,000 service men and women who have been killed since the end of World War 2. Bold sculptures tell a story of loss and sacrifice. A gap has been left in between two walls, allowing a shaft of sunshine to fall onto the central bronze wreath at 11a.m. on the Eleventh Day of the a Eleventh Month.

Everywhere we look there are names. Projected on the wall of the Far East Pavilion, the names of all those who died horrible, lingering deaths while prisoners of the Japanese; in the SANDS (Stillborn and Neo-Natal Deaths Society) garden, dozens of brightly painted pebbles bearing the names of lost babies - "Never Seen - Always Loved," reads one.

Most sobering of all, there is so much white space on the walls of the Armed Forces Memorial. There will be other names added, other tragedies, other families ripped apart.

I fear we will never learn.

But we can - and we must - remember.


My boots haven't been so clean and shiny since I don't know when. Some serious elbow grease has gone into the polishing of them. It really is quite impressive.


All I had to do was to leave them outside our bedroom door "before retiring" and the following morning they would be returned to me, clean and polished, with the compliments of the house. I do love a freebie, don't you? Mr B points out that we are paying rather a lot per night to stay in the Lap of Luxury - but at least the Lake Vynwry Hotel doesn't charge you extra for every little thing.


Yesterday we decided on a day of Peace and Pampering. Mr B had the peace, I had the pampering. I took myself along to the spa where I filled in an extensive form seeking to discover what exactly I was looking for from my spa experience. I wrote "relaxation" which seemed to sum it all up perfectly adequately. A very sweet beauty therapist massaged my shoulders, neck and back, before attempting to make my face look beautiful with her miracle facial treatment. Bless her, she didn't try to force me to buy lots of beauty products at the end of my treatment as so many therapists do. It is possible, of course, that she felt I was A Lost Cause. I'd forgotten to pack a swimsuit but my sister in law, Val, had come to the rescue and loaned me not one, but two of hers so I even had a choice. Sitting in the jacuzzi, gazing out over the lake in all its misty majesty was quite magical.


Mr B's brother joined us for a steak dinner in the restaurant. It was rather amusing sitting there between the two of them, peas in the pod that they are. They kept finishing each other's sentences and taking the conversation off on tangents which neither of them had the least trouble following but which were mostly lost on me. Double trouble, indeed. It was the perfect end to our stay. That and my shiny boots...


he Premier Inn in Lichfield City Centre was always going to be a bit different - but I can't fault the staff for their cheerful attentiveness. When I asked if they had a map of the city centre, the receptionist went off to find her own map to give me. You can't ask more than that, now can you?


Armed with her map, we set off to explore - a bit of a whistle-stop tour, to be fair, but taking in all the main sights, including the magnificent Lichfield Cathedral, known as the The Ladies of the Vales, on account of its three spires. We must remember that, I told Mr B, because it might well come up in a quiz programme one day. Mr B thought the chances of us remembering were slim at best but at least we could award ourselves points for trying.


On the way back to the hotel we called in at the multi-storey car park to move the car nearer to the hotel entrance. We have to put another £2 in the ticket machine at 7 pm tonight, which will secure our parking until 11.30 a.m. tomorrow. You'd think the Premier Inn might have negotiated some parking for hotel guests wouldn't you? But we mustn't carp at minor inconveniences. Our bed here may not be a four poster but it's comfortable enough and we are paying a fraction of what we paid at the Lap of Luxury.


I probably won't put my boots outside the food "before retiring" though. They might just go walkabout.


Tomorrow we are off to the National Memorial Arboretum, which is just up the road. It is one of the places on the list I compiled before I retired of "Places to Visit." It's quite a modest little list, all things considered, but I haven't done too well, so far, ticking off the entries. We have, to be fair, visited all kinds of places I'd never have thought of - like the Oboe Factory for starters - which only goes to show that lists should never be considered exhaustive but merely an Indication of The Possible.


A bit like life, when you come to think of it.

The Father of the Bride's speech was short - but very, very sweet.


He quoted that song Val Doonican used to sing, rocking back and forth in his rocking chair. The Special Years it was called.


"From pig-tails to wedding veils,
From pinafores to lace.
And in between are the special years
Time never can erase!"


"Oh, Dad," wailed the bride, "I haven't cried all day - until now!" She wasn't the only one round the oval wedding table with tears in their eyes.


Every wedding is special in its own way. The same day we were celebrating our niece's wedding, our friend Von was out in Cyprus, watching her son tie the knot. I hope she had every bit as lovely a day as we all did here in Wales.

When Mr B and I arrived the day before the wedding we were told that a table had been booked for us at 7 p.m. How very thoughtful, we told each other. What we didn't know was that the bride to be and her intended, plus almost all the wedding party, would be gathered together in The Tavern for a Getting To Know You evening. Such a lovely idea, given that we would be spending the whole of the next day in each other's company. By the time we went to bed we were like old friends.

The bride was wishing she was staying the night too - but when it came to it the next morning she was oh, so glad that she had travelled from home to her wedding. It must have been a magical journey, travelling along the narrow, winding roads to Lake Vynwry. Was it an emotional journey, I asked her Dad. "No, we told jokes all the way!" was his reply.

At breakfast we all said we wouldn't eat too much, given that we would be sitting down to the Wedding Breakfast (why is it called that, do you think, when it's usually timed for mid-afternoon?) at 2 p.m. Fat chance, when we saw the buffet table and read the Hot Breakfast menu. "Let's hope we can still get into all our finery after this!" joked Karen. The jest seemed about to misfire when I came to get All Dressed Up and found I couldn't get my dress on. Fortunately I realised that the zip was still fastened up before I started to cry....

There were just 19 people in the wedding party so we were small but perfectly formed. The wedding ceremony, against the stunning backdrop of the lake, was simple and heart warming. I love weddings. I love hearing two people pledge to love, respect and support each other, to stay together for ever, no matter what life may throw at them. I always want to weep because nobody knows what the future will hold but the promises made on that One Perfect Day will surely help cement a loving relationship. Mr B squeezes my knee which I initially take as a loving response to the emotions of the occasion, till I realise that he is struggling to heave himself out of the squishy sofa in which we are sitting to take a photograph of the new husband and wife signing the register.

We toast the happy couple with Something Sparkling and eat canapés - then it's out into the grounds for photographs. It's not as chilly as we thought it would be though the bride is protected from the cold by a beautiful shawl, hand-knitted by her Mum, with love in every stitch. It's a classic example of love keeping you warm.

One of my favourite memories of the photo-session is of the bridegroom's mother, almost 90 years old, being pushed across the grass at break-neck speed by her grand-daughter and another guest so as not to miss out on the photos. Her face is alight with laughter, despite the somewhat precarious journey. "I wasn't sure I was strapped in!" she confessed at breakfast the next morning - but she had obviously thrown caution to the winds.

We all sat round one large oval table for our delicious wedding meal and, because by this time we were All One Happy Family, the conversation and the laughter flowed easily up and down and round the table. At each place, beautiful wedding favours, hand-made by the bride - pieces of slate, carefully selected from her local beach bearing our names. Envelopes each containing an Earl Grey tea-bag. Pretty wine glass markers, each one different, made especially for us.

After our meal, we repaired to the room where the ceremony had been held, for coffee, cake and chocolate truffles. It was rather like Downton Abbey but without Mrs Patmore. Though she could just have been in the kitchen, who knows? We all compared wedding photos, zooming in to check who had their eyes closed. What did we do, before digital photographs? Don't forget, sandwiches and chips in the a Tavern Bar at 7, we are reminded, together with cup cakes, lovingly cooked and decorated by the Happy Couple for their guests. At 9 p.m. my sister-in-law, aka the Mother of the Bride, decides that we need to go for a brisk walk. It is seriously dark outside but fortunately Rachel has a torch light on her mobile phone. She only decided at the last minute to come with us on our Night Time Stroll - what a good thing she did. We might have vanished into the lake, never to be seen again...

This morning everyone said goodbye and headed for their respective homes. All except Mr B and I as we are staying on for an extra day and night of pampering and Life of Luxury. I didn't have time to blog yesterday (too busy eating - as you all know, I am Always Thinking About My Stomach) so it's been great fun this morning to sit here in the lounge overlooking the lake, remembering the events of a special day and recording them here for you to read, if you wish.

Thank you, Ginny and Jon, for inviting us to share your lovely, unforgettable wedding day. Take care of yourselves - and each other. Be happy. I love you both, very much.

Latest comments

Yesterday | 21:55

Beautiful and poignant blog Jaqui. Thanks for sharing your experience. Jan x

15.10 | 16:23

I have just read your blog, I agree with every word, the memory of this day will be with me for ever xxxx

03.10 | 20:50

Sewing is far more important than ironing!!!!!

27.09 | 18:36

My oboe was a Howarth (and still is, but I haven't played it for 18 years...). It served me well right up to my spectacular failure of grade 8!

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