Today we bought ourselves a 2014 diary. How scary, how very scary, is that?
Haven’t we only just started 2013? What
happened to Spring? And Summer? And did we really turn the heating on this morning....?
We bought the diary in a local stationery shop – I only went in to
buy a couple of cardboard files to help me in my latest tidy-up session but you couldn’t miss them. Piles and piles of 2014 diaries, stacked up just inside the door. There were diaries in black, blue, green and red. There were A4 page-a-day diaries,
A4 two pages to a week diaries, A5 diaries of both varieties, Pocket Diaries, Five Year Diaries, complete with lock and key. The world must surely be full of people needing to Plan Their Days.
The sheer variety was so confusing that I felt the need to consult Mr B before making a purchase. This would mean a trip back to the shop later in the afternoon as we were off to our monthly U3A meeting to support
(and, if appropriate, heckle) a friend of ours who was giving a talk entitled “You’re Nicked!”
Did you know that it is illegal to die in the
Houses of Westminster? Or to stand, sockless, within 100 yards of the Queen? And better watch your dog if and when you get within barking distance of one of Her Majesty’s corgis. As a result of a law passed by George I (1714-1727): "The severest
penalties will be suffered by any commoner who doth permit his animal to have carnal knowledge of a pet of the Royal House."
According to ancient statute, it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the
ancient city walls of York, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow at the time. And provided it's not a Sunday. It is also not recommended for Welshmen to visit Hereford on a Sunday, where it's legal to shoot the Welsh all day, provided it takes place
Our friend had us rolling in the aisles with his anecdotes. There really should be a law against it...
On the way to the bus stop, to catch our bus home, we took a detour into the stationery shop to choose our 2014 diary. What about a nice, neat A5 version this year, I suggested, perhaps in a
stylish green? Mr B, who is a Creature of Habit, said no, it had to be an A4 diary again. In response to my query as to why we could only possibly consider an A4 diary, he reminded me that I like to insert tickets, appointment cards, letters and directions
printed out from the computer into the correct pages of the diary. I was going to remind him, in turn, that he hates me doing this as he says it makes the diary look scruffy with bits of paper hanging out of it – but he was already heading for the counter,
A4 diary in hand, to pay over our £4.25.
Last year we had rather a lot of muddles and mishaps over the course of the year on account of the fact that we
had too many diaries. It proved almost impossible to remember to put details of every outing, trip or dental appointment in each of the diaries. I refused to abandon my lovely Date Book on account of the inspiring quotes which heralded the start of each
new month. Take September, for example: “Life is a great bundle of little things.” August’s sage saying was even better: “Let the grateful heart sweep through the day that it may recognize in every hour some sweet blessing.”
Could be a motto for the Daily Blog, that.
I’m flicking through all the pristine pages of our new A4, two pages per week, diary. What adventures will be
recorded therein, what family visits? How many Beach Days? How many Birthday Parties? Will we be going on holiday? If so, where? And when?
Am I getting just too much ahead of myself?