It’s the Bowls Club’s Charity Fun Day and we could do with a bit more sunshine.
However we have been lucky in
that there has only been one brief shower and that was timed beautifully for when Mr B took me to buy a bowl of thick vegetable soup with croutons in the Marine Gardens Cafe. As I have told you on plenty of occasions, Mr B knows how to spoil a girl. No,
I am not scoffing (as in either of its definitions): the soup is just what I need, given my lack of taste and difficulties eating on account of my poor, sore mouth. No wonder my stomach is complaining, it doesn’t know what’s up. Have I stopped
thinking about it after all these years, it must be wondering? One day soon, I hope to provide it with the reassurance it craves.
Over in one corner of the green,
WADARS – the animal charity which Captain, Our Captain has chosen as his charity for the year – has set up a bright red gazebo, festooned with festive bunting and graced by a small ball of fluff which turns out to be a dog. If Katie and Eleanor
were here they would be in that tent, cuddling the ball of fluff and playing doggy games with it. As it is, they are spending a few days with Young Faris and his mum – so there will be much cuddling and playing of games but with Faris whom nobody could
ever mistake for a ball of fluff.
It would have been good to have either Katie or her cousin Jack here as in the past both have managed to carry off the prize
for the main competition of the day in consecutive years. Today with Katie on Faris Watch and Jack in Barbados, it’s left to me to try to keep up the family honour. What about Mr B, I hear you ask? Well, he has come prepared with his camera slung around
his neck to fulfil his duties as Club Photographer. There is no way the Club Photographer can take time off his onerous task to participate in the competition. It’s all down to me.
The competition consists of five separate games each requiring variable skill. I buy my score card (at a cost of £1) which gains me entry into the competition and line up for the first game which requires competitors to
putt four golf balls through holes in a wooden edifice half way up the green. I’m not a bad putter (though I say so myself as shouldn’t, as my dear Mum would doubtless gently chide me) so this is the one game in which I might be expected to score.
I start so well, too. Straight and true, my ball flies through the middle hole, earning me a sterling five points. I should have stopped right there, while I was on a winning streak. Sadly, all three of my subsequent putts fail to score.
I was never going to do too well at the second game, which involved bowling four woods and aiming for the gaps between four strategically placed shuttlecocks. My first three attempts
fall well short. “Give it some welly!” the people behind me in the queue urge me, not very helpfully. I hurl the ball towards the row of shuttlecocks and watch as it witters its way towards the target, stopping just a few inches short. The scorer
takes pity on me and awards me a quite undeserved 20 points. He probably realises I am unlikely to be challenging the competition leaders and feels I will benefit from some encouragement.
In the third game I score an amazing 30 points, managing to lob one ball into a hole some feet away. However, before you applaud my feat, you need you to know that in this particular game it is possible to score anything up to 200
points. In fact the competition, as a whole, is won or lost on this leg. If I were the type to take this competition seriously, then I would practise this game for a week beforehand till I was sure I could lodge all four of my woods into the “50”
hole. But obviously, as you know by now, that’s never going to happen.
I score an ignominious “Nil Points” in the final two legs of the competition,
ending up with a thoroughly disappointing 35 points. It is a Very Poor Showing. The eventual winner scores 338 points which someone with a mathematical bent might point out is almost ten times my pitiful effort.
Still there is more to the Charity Fun Day than the competition. I buy some books from the book stall, including “The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas” which I’ve been wanting to read for ages and Mr B spends a
pound on rhubarb from someone’s garden. We guess (wrongly) the weight of the cake, try (unsuccessfully) to win a bottle of whisky in the raffle and Mr B samples some home-made cheese straws which he pronounces delicious.
At the Bowls Club’s Committee Meeting last Monday, the Honorary Secretary remarked that almost all the new members who have joined us this season did so because they had seen our members playing
on the green and clearly, unmistakably, thoroughly enjoying themselves. It’s what I have always said – there are few things so contagious as sheer, unadulterated fun.
Win or lose.