Jaqui's Daily Blog

The Problem With Vlogging

The more perceptive of you may have noticed that I have started Vlogging. As My Boy commented, memorably: "Be afraid, be very afraid!"


I consider that one should never be afraid to try something new. Unless it's abseiling down The Shard or white water rafting. Or anything even mildly dangerous. I can't imagine that Vlogging is dangerous, just so long j as I don't offend anyone.


Vlogging is something else altogether. It is, as I understand it, Blogging With Pictures. Moreover from the sketchy research I have carried out into the subject, it seems that as far as subject matter is concerned, most vloggers specialise in demonstrating to their avid followers how to do things that they already know very well how to do. A bit like Pippa Middleton's book on party celebrations - though who am I to knock her, given I am embarking on a similar path?


My first Vlog was just fifteen seconds long and was by way of an introduction. It was also a bit of an experiment in how to position myself in front of the UsPad, press what I like to call the "selfie button" and then spout rubbish for fifteen seconds. Uploading involved a large element of trial and error but I was eventually successful. If I am honest, I was quite impressed with myself.


Today I decided to be a little more ambitious. I set the UsPad on the kitchen work surface, balanced on the larger of the two biscuit tins for added height and then positioned myself on one of the kitchen chairs in front of it. Checking it out, I was - though I say if myself - perfectly framed.


My first demonstration was to be how to plant an amaryllis. Yes, I know that you all know how to do that. Even if you didn't, the instructions on the back of the box should be clear enough for even the least green-fingered among you. But, as I said earlier, that's the beauty of Vlogging. It's the Art of Explaining the Obvious. Add your own expletive if you feel it is necessary.


Actually planting the amaryllis bulb proved a little tricky, mostly because, in order to stay on camera, I had to balance the flower pot on my knees while at the same time (i) tearing open the bag of compost; (ii) positioning the bulb in the pot; and (iii) depositing handfuls of compost into the pot while endeavouring not to drop too much on the kitchen floor. All the while keeping up a running commentary of scintillating brilliance. There's a bit more to this Vlogging than meets the eye, you know.


By the time I turned the camera off, two minutes and thirty-one seconds later, the amaryllis bulb was more or less firmly embedded in its flower pot, my trousers were covered in compost and the floor looked like a garden bed. It may be that I should re-title my Vlog "How not to plant an amaryllis." Still I played it back and it made me laugh so perhaps my second attempt was not too bad.


The problem has come with uploading it to my website. Even as I write, it's still not happening. I keep pressing "OK" but there's nothing happening. Now I am renowned for my patience - except when it comes to machinery, with computers up there with the worst of them in terms of the Impatience League Table. How long should it take to upload a two minute video clip, I ask you? Maybe it's just too long. - though I would challenge anyone to plant any bulb, amaryllis or not, in less than two and a half minutes.


Apart from the fact that there might really be people out there needing a quick lesson in amaryllis planting, I can't face spending the rest of my evening checking lack of progress. Which is why I thought I had better make my Vlogging the subject of today's Daily Blog. It is possible that my video clip may yet appear, miraculously, on the web page titled "Jaqui's Vlog" but I wouldn't hold your breath. It seems a pity, when I tried so hard, not to mention the state of the kitchen floor and the fact that I have had to put my trousers in the wash. Plus the poor amaryllis bulb is listing badly in its flower pot like a floral Tower of Pisa because I was concentrating too much on my scintillating delivery and not enough on the actual Planting of the Amaryllis.


At least you all know what you would have seen, had the Vlog uploaded. Though I say it myself as shouldn't, it was Truly Remarkable, as Vlogs go.


Sadly I shall have to leave it all to your imagination.

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Latest comments

03.07 | 22:43

Wouldn't have missed it for the world. xx

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12.06 | 02:31

I love that you talk to your plants ... I used to on my allotment ... seemed perfectly rational !

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05.06 | 22:01

Sounds like a perfect day Jacqui, happy birthday for tomorrow, love Val xx

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07.12 | 15:48

what details have you got on your mysterious Wilde?

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