When it comes to throwing, I am in A League Of My Own.
This is Faris, of course. You didn't think it was Nanni, did you? Honestly? Nanni is probably the world's worst
thrower. She tries, oh yes, she tries (she is very trying) but when she throws a ball it doesn't go very fast, it doesn't go very far and it never, ever goes in the right direction. I am the complete opposite of Nanni in this regard.
I have left nursery, by the way. Toddler Two just won't be the same without me. It's sad, isn't it, but I really need to be at home to help Mummy with the Twinkles. They are not just one handful, but two handfuls. I was given a kind
of End of Term report from the nursery. It was called my "Learning Story" and one section described how I had thrown a bucket out of the sandpit and been told by the Person In Charge not to throw. You notice, no mention of how far I had thrown the bucket.
Now that was an important piece of missing information. Praise where praise is due, I always say.
Anyway, I responded by throwing the spade at the Person in Charge. I just thought she wanted to play that's
all. One day when I am older, say two years old and a bit, I will start to understand the rules of this strange game called Life. In my Learning Story, my lesson for the future, based on my throwing of both bucket and spade, was "to listen and follow instructions."
When Mummy read it, she said: "Only you!" I am taking this as a compliment - Nanni says, when in doubt, take whatever is said about you as a compliment. That way lies happiness. Nanni says so and she knows what she is talking about, even if she is useless
Tomorrow we are going to Nanni's to take part in something called a Flingathon. Nanni says it will be right up my street (whatever that means.) We will meet on the beach at Worthing where Nanni
and Grandad live (well, they don't actually live on the beach, you understand, it would be a bit cold in the winter, don't you reckon? Though it would be good in the summer, of course.) At the Flingathon we will buy an orange and a lemon and then, when we
are told, we will throw them as far as we can. We are raising money for someone called Lauren who wants to compete in the next Paralympics. If Lauren wants to do this, then I think we should support her, even though I don't know exactly what the Paralympics
are. You can't expect me to know everything, all at once.
Nanni says I will probably be one of the youngest there but I bet I will be able to throw further than most people. I will be sure to eat up all my
pizza at lunchtime so as to build up my strength. I expect Mummy will want to take part (provided she remembers to wear her trainers, not her posh boots) but I think we should do our best to persuade Nanni not to. It would be just too embarrassing. Plus, somebody
needs to stay with the Twins. I think it should be Nanni. She can stand on the prom and watch. She will be good at that.
I have a new rucksack, by the way. It is shaped like a shark and I just love, love,
love it. I wear it all the time, wherever I go - I'd wear it in bed if Mummy would let me but she won't. She says it will be uncomfortable but, you know, I'd be prepared to take the risk. What isn't so good is that the rucksack comes with detachable reins.
Reins! What am I - a donkey! There is absolutely no way I am going to pretend to be a donkey, not for anybody. So far I have been able to make my point, firmly but fairly. Well, actually, I lie on the ground and yell to show my disapproval. Firm but fair,
you see what I mean.
I do hope Mummy won't expect me to wear the reins at the Flingathon, it would be just too humiliating. Nanni doesn't wear reins and she is every bit as wayward as I am. I wonder how she
wriggled out of wearing them, did she lie down on the floor and yell at Grandad? I can't quite picture it, to be honest.
I have decided I will use the occasion to demonstrate how far I have progressed
in my Learning Story. I will listen to the instructions and then I will do exactly as I am told.
"Ready, steady, THROW!"
Just watch me!