Today I had a Bit Of An Adventure. Involving light bulbs.
Regular readers of the Daily Blog will be only too aware that when I talk of "adventures", it is something of
a misnomer. Indeed, I could well be hauled up before The Beak for transgressing the Trade Description Act.
No Peter Pan, I - preparing to meet his fate at the hands of Captain Hook and declaring, bravely:
"To die would be an awfully big adventure.." It's in my list of favourite quotes from Books I Have Read and never fails to send a shiver of fear down my spine.
My adventure today didn't involve a pirate captain
with a handy hook, or a ticking crocodile, or the Threat of Death. Instead it involved my oven, the local hardware store and the Man From OvenU.
I feel a little ashamed to confess to all those of you who painstakingly
scrub your ovens clean with domestic cleaner and plenty of elbow grease, that I have called in the services of a professional oven cleaning firm. I could pretend that my shining shelves are all down to my own hard work but this is the Daily Blog, don't you
know, and my readers are entitled to expect total honesty from me or what's the point? Mr B says there is no point in having a dog and barking yourself. I am not at all sure that OvenU Man (a domestic superman) would appreciate being likened to a canine but
I don't need to tell him.
OvenU Man wears a green tee-shirt and shorts but no cape. He probably has one at home but it would get in the way of the oven cleaning. Before starting work, he carries out a short
survey of our appliance; this identifies the need for two cooker hood light bulbs and two oven light bulbs. Mr B and I look at each other and the same thought crosses both our minds. It will be much, much easier if we buy the bulbs and ask OvenU Man to fit
them while he has his head in the oven. You could call it a light bulb moment.
OvenU Man takes great trouble to explain to me the type of light bulbs I need to buy and, just as importantly, the ones I should
not buy under any circumstances. Being something of a Light Bulb Novice, I jot down his words of wisdom on a yellow post-it note. Yes, indeed, I am turning into Mr B who would be lost without his supply of post-it notes. Off I drive down the road to the hardware
store on my very own Big Adventure. As well as my aide-memoire (aka post-it note), I am armed with the old bulbs which OvenU Man has thoughtfully removed for me.
This should make my shopping mission easier
were it not for the fact that OvenU Man is suggesting that the candle-shaped bulb would be better replaced by a bulb the same shape as the oven bulb but longer. While the oven bulb may come in a slightly shorter version but this will be okay. Under no circumstances
should I buy a longer bulb. This is scary stuff.
Behind the counter at the hardware store there is a helpful assistant who clearly wishes, after fewer than five minutes, that somebody else was dealing with
me. I read aloud from the post-it note that I need oven bulbs, with filaments not halogen, a screw fitting not a bayonet fitting, 40 watts and 300 degrees temperature resistant. It is like a foreign language to me. The Helpful One explains she only has 25
watt or 15 watt and she has no idea how temperature resistant they are but isn't there a clue in the fact that they are called "oven" bulbs?
I do what any Damsel in Distress would do. I phone OvenU
Man. He reassures me that 25 watt will be fine and suggests I inspect the bulb for the words "300 degrees temperature resistant". The shop assistant and I inspect the bulbs without success; OvenU Man says he is sure everything will be okay and have I managed
to buy the cooker hood bulbs? I tell him that they are of the candle variety rather than his preferred shape but he says not to worry. As I slip my mobile phone back into my bag, the shop assistant, who has been listening in to my conversation, comes up trumps,
producing cooker hood bulbs which exactly meet OvenU Man's description.
I thank her profusely and drive home, bearing my purchases with a light heart (if you will excuse the pun.) OvenU Man expresses himself
impressed at my endeavours. I feel like Robin to his Batman. But bigger and without the cape and little eye mask.
After OvenU Man departs some three hours after his arrival on our door-step, I survey the sparkling
results. I had forgotten what it was like to have lights in my oven. Now I will be able to watch my pies, tarts and cakes baking, just like they do on the Great British Bake Off.
Thank you, OvenU Man. With
a little bit of help from the hardware store, you have Lightened My Darkness.