Storm Imogen is currently wreaking havoc across our area. Doubtless sooner or later she will blow herself out, run out of steam, or whatever else storms named Imogen do and make way, at some so far unidentified time for
a new storm brewing.
Mr B is convinced that Imogen's successor will be named after me. Storm Jackie / Jacky / Jacqui / Jaqui will be a Force to a Reckon With. Don't take my word for it, just listen to Mr B...
I think it is only on recent months that we have started naming our storms. We took our leaf, of course, from America where every self-respecting hurricane has had its own moniker for ever so long. I'm not sure it's
a good idea, this Naming of Storms - and this from one who is well-known in the family for naming everything, from cars to Christmas turkeys. The whole family remembers Tonka the Turkey for his massive girth. No, I can't remember what he tasted like but I
am sure he was delicious and Did Not Die In Vain.
When the Youngest of the Darling Daughters was travelling Australia on a year out between University and the World of Work, she spent Christmas on a sunny
beach. We read her letter home out loud on Christmas morning, every one of us in tears till we came to her post-script: "What's the turkey called this year!?" Cue much laughter. Despite the tears still running down our cheeks.
I found myself in real trouble the year I named the birds in the Eldest of the Darling Daughters. Well how was I to know that the very morning after the christening, a marauding cat would send one feathered friend to the Great Nest in the Sky. "He was
my lucky bird!" wailed grand-daughter Eleanor. Some bird. Some luck.
Anyway, enough of birds. Let's get back onto safer ground - like storms and hurricanes.
Ieast my name would be a fitting one for a storm. It means "the Conqueror". Enough to strike dread into any weather forecaster's heart. Imogen, incidentally, just means "maiden." I don't want to upset any Imogens who may be reading this but, really, as a name
for a storm Imogen simply doesn't cut the mustard.
What can you expect of the Man at the Met Office responsible for the names of the storms so far? I seem to remember commenting at length in a previous Daily
Blog on Storm Barney - naming a storm after a purple dinosaur is Just Plain Wrong.
I discussed the Naming of Storms over the lamb chops and Lincolnshire sausages with our local butcher. I'm not sure how we
got onto the subject but possibly it was because I noticed the shop awning was tucked away for safety against the Imogen threat. The butcher said he didn't think the next storm would be called any variation of my name because he had read that, in the interests
of gender equality, storms were given female and male names in turn.
Clearly I had to check this out and, guess what, the public has apparently voted on their favourite stormy titles. Maybe you already knew
that? How did such an important piece of meteorological information pass me by? Why didn't someone tell me? What's more it seems likely that the next storm will be named - Jake.
Yes that's right, Jake - also
known as one of the four Tweenies, the others being Fizz, Bella and Milo. The Tweenies who, with their dog Doodles, have been much beloved of pre-schoolers.
Not content with misappropriating my favourite purple
dinosaur, the Met Office has now plundered The Tweenies. Are there any depths to which it will not sink?
All I can say is: look out for Storm Teletubby.
afraid. Be very afraid.