Did you miss me yesterday?
Sincere apologies for my failure to post a daily blog on Thursday but we didn't arrive back from our trip to beautiful
Osborne House (pictured) until half an hour before dinner was due to be served. There was just time for a hasty shower, a quick change of clothing and a recap of the dinner menu (we have to order our evening meal at breakfast - it's a bit like being
in hospital, only less painful) before we sat down for our last evening meal of the 2012 Bowls Trip.
The word "trip", coincidentally, is most apt. Walking up the drive towards Osborne House
yesterday, I managed somehow to trip over one or both of my feet, teetering about to the considerable alarm and consternation of my five companions, before landing in an embarrassing heap in a hedge. Like good old Queen Victoria, who loved Osborne House
so much, I was not amused. I would, nevertheless, give myself a score of 6 out of 10 for this particular feat, based on (i) elegance, or otherwise, of the trip itself; (ii) location; (iii) importance of the occasion and (iv) level of alarm
caused to others. My trip at Osborne House scored particularly highly on location and alarm caused to others...
Those who know me best are well aware that I make a speciality
out of the most spectacular slips, trips and falls. When I was still at work, we used to have a weekly "Health & Safety" message - the booklet on "Slips, Trips and Falls" was circulated at least twice a year and I always read it avidly.
It never made any difference. Show me a staircase and I will show you how to fall up it and, for good measure, down it. In fact I don't need a whole staircase, just one small step will do, as Neil Armstrong said when he landed on the
moon. If that had been me, I'd have tripped over my size 6 space-boots and ended up head first in the moon-dust or the green cheese or whatever the Moon is made of. Personally I'd prefer it if it wasn't the cheese.
My most spectacular and memorable fall was at the Youngest of the Darling Daughters' wedding. Having finished reading one of the lessons, I made it all the way down from the lectern safely before failing completely
to negotiate one further small step and launching myself, head first, into the congregation. "She always did like to draw attention to herself," my sister (who loves me) was heard to joke. At least one person thought she was serious
and rebuked her on the grounds that I Could Have Been Seriously Hurt. My poor sister was mortified.
Location, importance of occasion, alarm caused to others (particularly the bride) and elegance
(well, I was wearing my Mother of the Bride outfit plus wide-brimmed hat, you can't get much more elegant than that, especially as I'm pretty sure my hat stayed on my head) - that was a trip which scored on every count, a 10 out of 10 trip if ever there was
I really do pity anyone who happens to be around to pick me up, dust me down and set me on my feet again. "Hallo there!" I was heard to yodel on a visit to the Middle of the
Darling Daughters. She opened the door of her flat then had to watch, frozen with fright, poor thing, as I tumbled down a couple of steps into the hallway, still waving a maternal greeting and with arms outspread for a hug.
She moved house soon afterwards. Was it something I said? Or did?