I have appointed myself as Mr B’s social secretary, in a bid to cheer up his daily life with exciting activities.
are thinking, I know, that this, my latest ploy to keep Mr B entertained, is potentially fraught with danger unless I am certain that the Man In Question will go along with my plans for him. You may, or may not, be reassured to hear my rationale which is that,
provided the activities I am organising are centred on either family, food or football, I can’t go far wrong.
The world seems to be closing in on poor
Mr B with trips out becoming few and far between, so difficult are such outings for him these days. This means that the world will have to come to him and, guess what, I am up for the challenge.
I telephone my friend Sue, whom Mr B knows as “Spurs Sue” on account of her support for Tottenham Hotspur. It is no coincidence, of course, that Mr B is also a Spurs supporter, as is Sue’s fella, John. Plans
are made for a Footie Evening to cheer on Tottenham when they come up against Borussia Dortmund in Group H of the Champions League. You are impressed, I can tell, that I have such detailed information at my fingertips, right down to the correct spelling of
Spurs’ opponents, but it’s only what is expected of a conscientious social secretary. Sue says she and John will bring the beers. Now there’s a result, whatever happens on the pitch.
UMr B says, now that I am on a roll, can I contact The Neighbours about the possibility of another Footie Evening when Brighton are playing? I spend a few moments wondering what will happen when Spurs play Brighton and whether
I will be required to invite supporters of both teams into our living room where War Will Be Declared. For ninety minutes only, you understand.
B and I are travelling back into the past at the moment, re-reading Hunter Davies’s book “The Glory Game” which recounts the events of a season in the life of Tottenham Hotspur. I gave this book to Mr B as a Christmas present in 1972, a mere
45 years ago. “Your own Hallelujah Chorus!” I have written inside. We are endlessly amused by reading comments on the extravagant salaries paid to first team players - £200 a week, no less!
Next I turn my attention to Food and, with it, the important question of company. Eating food in the company of good friends has to be one of the pleasures of life. So I phone Bob and Val, on the basis that nobody will be
able to keep Mr B better amused than Bob, whose dry humour and terrible jokes are legendary. We haven’t seen these friends for simply ages so this will be a good opportunity for a catch-up. I shall worry about what we will eat later on, when I stop being
Mr B’s social secretary and become his Masterchef. In a manner of speaking.
Which brings me to family - my Little Sister and her fella are coming on
Wednesday when we will be able to celebrate her birthday. She tells me she will be perfectly happy with Fish & Chips which happens to be her favourite meal. We will go with the flow, I tell her, because that’s what we do best. It’s debatable
whether a really efficient social secretary would go with the flow but you can be too organised, don’t you agree? Then on Sunday the Middle of the Darling Daughters will arrive, with Trio in tow, to celebrate her birthday with us. That’s two special
dates within a few days - but, as I always say, why celebrate one birthday when you could celebrate two?
I consider the diary, with all its new entries,
and congratulate myself on having made a good start on bringing the world to Mr B. I would go as far as to say it’s an “excellent” start but I don’t want to set myself up to fail.
The thing is, I have to keep it up but I’m confident that if I keep to Food, Football and Family, I will continue to succeed in my self-appointed role.
As Shakespeare once said, the World will be our oyster.