It's a pretty state of affairs when I find myself taking advice from a tree. But, having taken this step, it seems only right to test out the tree's sage sayings. Is its advice firmly rooted in reality?
Or is this tree just plain, barking mad? Let's see...
Number 1: Stand Tall and Proud. This is more difficut than it sounds because I appear to be losing height as I grow older. I was always,
always, 5 foot 5 in my stockinged feet. Last time I was measured in the doctor's surgery, the nurse made me only 5 foot 4. OK, an inch may not mean much to you, but its MY inch. How could it just disappear?
Number 2: Go Out on a Limb. I'm hoping that, for this one, I can count joining the Cribbage Group. I thought that was pretty brave of me considering that up until now the only time I have ever played cribbage
is on holiday, on sunny hotel balconies, with a large gin and tonic in one hand. There was no G&T to help me out at our first session on Friday evening which may be why my partner, Daphne, and I lost by 5 games to 2 - but then we were playing against
cribbage expert, Mr B. Because we were on opposite sides, it was difficult for him to help me out, apart from the occasional well-placed kick under the table when I looked about to commit any one of the cardinal sins of cribbage etiquette. Yes,
I can safely say that I was Out On A Limb.
Number 3: Remember Your Roots. I am scoring pretty high on this one. I make sure that my own personal colourist (the ubiquitous Mr B) keeps a close
check on my curly locks. At the first hint of grey peeping through, he's marching me upstairs to the bathroom, with a box of Nice 'n' Easy semi-permanent hair colour in his hand and a look of steely determination
in his eyes. Even if I forget, I can always rely on Mr B to Remember My Roots.
Number 4: Drink Plenty of Water. So, how many gallons are we supposed to drink a day? I do
try. I have half-full bottles of water everywhere. There are several in the car, two or three in the fridge, one in the garden (leftover from my last gardening spree), one on the little chest of drawers next to my my bed, one
in the bathroom and a little collection ranged along the kitchen window-sill, all of them a guilty reminder that I never manage to drink my way through a whole bottle, however hard I try. Must Do Better.
Number 5: Be Content with Your Natural Beauty. Well, I'm sure I would be, if I knew where it was. What I would like, more than anything else, is a smiley face - you know, the kind of face that looks as if its owner is smiling even when he
/she isn't? Sadly, I don't possess one of those. Members of my family, of all ages, take enormous delight in snapping me, all unawares, on camera and chortling over the results. I would be perfectly content if I imagined,
for one moment, that they were capturing my Natural Beauty.
Number 6: Enjoy the View. Well, though I say it myself, I am going to give myself 10 out of 10 for this. Wherever I go, whatever
I do - I always enjoy the view. What's more, I take that view and do my best to turn it into words so you can see it too, my faithful readers. It will have its limitations, of course, because it will only ever be my view of the world but, hopefully,
it will make you laugh.
And there's no need to climb a tree to enjoy it either...