The problem with me is that I never learn.
Alright, I can see you pursing your lips as if to query my apparent assertion
that there is only one problem with me. You are right, of course, there are a few deficiencies in my make-up, notably being a Wimp of the First Order; being ever so nosy (if only to supply material to feed the Insatiable Daily Blog); and being a proper Pollyanna
when faced with the prospect of anything less than pleasing arising in my life. “The sun will come out tomorrow,” as the ever optimistic Annie, a Pollyanna if there ever was one, sings- and so do I.
Yesterday, however, seated around the Lovely Linda’s dining room table with the rest of the Crafty Group, I had to come face to face with the sad fact that, where Crafty mistakes are concerned, I simply never learn.
We were learning the decorative art of decoupage. This is not to be confused with décolletage which is something else altogether. Or, to put it another way, no chests
were even slightly bared in the process of decorating the cardboard boxes supplied by our ever helpful tutor. She also supplied us with chocolate Malteser bunnies, as a kind of pre-Easter present. I thought (having arrived a little late and failed to catch
the introduction to the session) that the chocolate bunny might be an essential element in our decoupage but it seemed he was just for eating, and most delicious with it.
First we had to paint the inside of our boxes with acrylic paint. The Lovely Linda warned that a little bit of paint would go a long way but I squeezed the paint tube a little too hard so a lot of paint had to go a short way. That, however, was an accident,
not a wilful act of disobedience on my part.
Next we had to choose the materials we would use to cover our boxes. I was seduced by the rather attractive paper
napkins which turned out to be not the best choice as the paper was so very thin that it tended to scrunch up as I plastered it with the delectably-named Modge Podge. This was an honest mistake, rather than any deliberate failure. In any case, I decided that
the scrunched up pieces of napkin added texture to the covering of my box. That was my story and I was sticking to it.
Isn’t Modge Podge a wonderful
name? I rather wish I had invented it myself. It is the complete opposite of the names I usually favour, as in, ones that do what they say on the tin. Modge Podge is an all-in-one glue, varnish and sealer but nobody would know, would they, just from hearing
its name. The pots of Modge Podge on the Lovely Linda’s dining room table came in two versions - the straight version and a glitter version. I didn’t realise until I had more or less finished covering my box with scraps of napkin, interspersed
with pieces of purple paper, that other people round the table had glittery boxes while mine displayed an Absence of Sparkle.
No worries, I was told, I could just
apply a coat of glittery Modge Podge and my box, too, would be all a-sparkle once it dried. I set to with a will and enthusiasm that could not be faulted, spreading the glittery Modge Podge on thickly over every surface. It was only when I had finished that
I realised I should have applied just a very thin coat if I wanted my decorated box to (i) dry quickly; and (ii) look appropriately professional.
At which point
I recalled a previous Crafty session when we decorated boxes with seeds. I had made such a clever pattern on the lid of my box - then rather spoiled the effect by sploshing on the varnish. That box took 24 hours to dry and was so thick with varnish that the
seed pattern was almost completely lost beneath it.
I looked around the table at my fellow crafters, each with a beautifully decorated box in front of them. Then
I looked at my effort which experience told me was going to take another 24 hours to dry out and still would not look the way I wanted it to look. “I wouldn’t mind,” I wailed, “but it’s not the first time I’ve made the same
mistake.” Joy, who obviously remembered the last time, nodded sympathetically. Some people never learn, she was far too kind to say.
Mr B was pleasingly
complimentary when I showed him my latest effort - but then he didn’t know what it might have looked like.
Or perhaps, given my regular story-telling courtesy of the Daily Blog, he just
takes it for granted that I will lay it on thick…