The delivery fella calls at the door to ask me if I could possibly take in a parcel for The Neighbours. Once I have got over the disappointment that the parcel is not for me (I am shallow like that) I am, of course, happy
to oblige. The Neighbours do so much for us that keeping a parcel safe for them until they return home seems to be the very least I can do.
I am, moreover, totally
fascinated by the parcel which according to the writing on the box appears to contain fig rolls. Lots and lots of them, judging by the size of the parcel. Fig rolls - just fancy!
I would not have expected The Neighbours to like fig rolls above other delicacies. In fact I have had them down as Plain Digestive types ever since the first time I offered them the biscuit tin (hoping and praying, as I did so, that the Rascally Trio
had left at least a few biccies after their last foray) when they both chose a digestive biscuit and declared themselves surprised to remember just how delicious they were.
Incidentally, is a fig roll a biscuit or a cake? Or even - an exciting possibility which has only just presented itself to me - a pastry? As you know, the Daily Blog does like to start a discussion / debate / fierce argument among its regular
readers every so often. My money, for what it’s worth (not a lot, to be honest) was on it being a cake - until I remembered the time Mr B and I were on tea duty at the Bowls Club some years ago. As well as brewing tea and coffee, we were required to
set out a large plate of biscuits on each table, trying to ensure a Fair Distribution of Biscuits so that nobody could have cause to complain that their table had (i) fewer chocolate biscuits than the neighbouring tables or (ii) a surfeit of “boring”
biscuits like those small oblong ones with a cow depicted on the front. I’ve nothing against cows, you understand, just the biscuit.
Mr B, taking charge
as was his wont in those days, immediately confiscated the only two fig rolls on account of the fact that he was saving them for one of his friends who loved fig rolls above all other biscuits. Or cakes, if you prefer. It didn’t seem quite fair to me
- but then there were only two of them so nowhere near enough to go round. I decided not to create a scene over a fig roll or two.
In the event, when The Neighbours
turned up on our doorstep to reclaim their parcel, it turned out that it didn’t contain fig rolls at all - but a string of Christmas tree lights. No, I wouldn’t have guessed either. Apparently, stung by a comment from some of their Christmas guests
that their tree lights, though doubtless twinkly, weren’t particularly bright, they had immediately ordered a set of hundreds of brighter, lighter, twinklier lights online.
Let’s face it, they deserve full points for their forward thinking. If that had been me, I’d have simply stored my Less Than Brilliant lights away until next Christmas - when I would retrieve them from the loft, hang them
round my tree, plug them in - only then to remember their deficiencies in the Bright, Shining Light Department. At which point, I would be left with little choice, all the shops having sold out of the superior type of lights, leaving only the less twinkly
on the shelves.
There are a few learning points from this, and not simply the biscuit / cake / pastry scenario which I am no nearer to solving. For starters,
I should not have been so nosy. Secondly, having been nosy, I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions based on the packaging. Thirdly, I shouldn’t have expressed my interest in what appeared to be a Major Fig Roll Purchase to The Neighbours, thus
proving myself to be both nosy and ill-informed. I like to think they have forgiven me.
To spoil a beautiful friendship over a Fig Roll or the lack of it
would just about take the biscuit...