Jaqui's Daily Blog

In Which I Tackle a Waterfall

I was dreaming of a long-ago holiday in beautiful Canada, staying with Mr B’s cousins, Bob and Jacky. Bob drove us all over Ontario while Jacky and I, sharing the back seat of their station wagon, consulted the map at regular intervals so that I could track where we were going and played endless games of cribbage to while away the long journeys.


An especially memorable moment was standing at the very edge of Niagara Falls, watching the waters cascading ferociously into the steaming depths below. In my dream, I kid you not, I could hear the rushing water…


Except that when I woke up, I could still hear it, from Somewhere Downstairs. Tottering, still half asleep, to the top of the stairs I could see my very own waterfall, torrenting down from the ceiling and into the flooded hall below. It wasn’t nearly as picturesque as the Niagara Falls and far more worrying.


A quick inspection of the bathroom followed, which involved tiptoeing across the sopping wet landing and into - a paddling pool. Except that paddling pools are supposed to be fun, don’t you know? Meanwhile Mr B was calling me from downstairs demanding to know (i) what was going on and (ii) what I was doing about it. The answer to both questions being - I don’t know! Or words to that effect.


I had sufficient wits about me to realise that I needed to turn the water off. Unfortunately my wits didn’t extend to knowing exactly how to do that. A panicky call to our poor put-upon neighbour helped me to identify the right tap and which way to turn it - obeying the useful mantra “Lefty Loosey, Righty Tighty” - but my weak wrists (as opposed to my equally weak wits) couldn’t shift the tap in either direction. Meanwhile my own personal waterfall kept right on cascading. I emptied the airing cupboard of towels, thanking my lucky stars that I have more beach towels than anybody else I know. 


I telephoned my friendly local plumber who said he would be along just as soon as he had removed someone’s gas fire. I telephoned the Youngest of the Darling Daughters and her fella - not because they could actually help in a practical sense but  because I just needed somebody to talk to. They advised a call to the insurance company which, if nothing else, helped take my mind off the waterfall while I answered countless questions about the age of our house, whether I had artex ceilings and, if so, how long our ceiling had been so decorated. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure there are really good reasons why these particular questions need to be asked but at the moment I can’t imagine what they might be. 


At this point two messages pinged into my mobile phone in quick succession. The first, from my brother-in-law wished me good morning and exhorted me to “have a fun day.” The second, from my GP surgery, urged me to get my blood pressure checked. My sense of humour kicked in for the first time that morning. My giggles were, to be fair, liberally laced with hysteria…


You will be pleased to know that my friendly plumber has put my Troublesome Toilet (identified as the source of my problems) out of action. I have mopped up four buckets full of water from the paddling pool aka the bathroom floor and another couple from the hall. I have consigned ten soaking wet beach towels firstly to the washing machine, then to the tumble drier. Water finally stopped dripping through the cracks in the ceiling at around 1 p.m. My home telephone appears to have stopped working, possibly as a result of being water logged but, like Scarlett O’Hara in Gone With the Wind, I have decided to worry about that tomorrow, being as tomorrow (as everyone knows) is another day. 


Mr B said, if I was through worrying about the waterfall, how about me cooking a Hairy Bikers Spanish Traybake for our dinner? 


It was SO reassuring to be faced with a question I could actually answer…


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Latest comments

07.09 | 13:17

I have broad shoulders x

09.08 | 07:45

I love it, what a wonderful read on a very wet Monday Morning. Well done and I love the idea of the Grandmother's Book, an idea I shall definately borrow.

30.03 | 17:40

I'm a young entrepeneur who is willing to start a business to offer retired people the opportunity to live an amazing life.Please emailme,I'd like to ask a few?

09.03 | 16:42

Penguin outfit for 2022.

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