We're watching Junior Apprentice, Jack, Hazel, the Youngest of the Darling Daughters, Mr B and me. Alan (call me Lord) Sugar is doing his "I am a frightening person who has done everything, been everywhere, knows
the lot" spiel and warning the 12 young apprentices that they will have to spend their time working, "not playing Angry Birds."
"Nobody plays Angry Birds these
days," Jack points out, with a quite perfect mix of condescension and pity. It is a learning point for all of us of a certain age (and that includes you, m'lord) - it is far better not even to try to sound trendy when talking to teenagers.
You will almost certainly be way out of date in between the time you heard any particular expression for the first time and the time you plucked up the courage to use it in conversation. Angry Birds, indeed...
While we were watching Junior Apprentice, Jack and Hazel were demonstrating one of the great attributes of almost all teenagers today - the ability to multi-task. But only when one of the multi-tasks involves a mobile phone.
With one eye and an ear still on His Lordship, they were conversing via text with any number of mates, trying to organise their social life for this evening. In the time it took the apprentices to choose their team names, select a Project Manager,
sift through a ton of discarded clothes, set up stalls in a high-level retail space and a car boot sale and meet up with AS in the dreaded Boardroom - Team Baldwin had gone through practically every possibility for a Fab Friday Night Out.
They started with Ten Pin Bowling, which then became Ice Skating, after which they flirted with the Cinema before skirting, not particularly enthusiastically, round the idea of Macky-D's (which I am
assuming is good old McDonalds - I wonder if Lord Sugar knows that?) All the time, messages were coming in from friends here, there and everywhere, giving their views on the changing proposals. I was dizzy just watching them, their thumbs clicking
in unison, as they sought a long-distance consensus of opinion across the network.
Suddenly it seemed we were back to Ten Pin Bowling (which was where we started off, if you remember) and Lord Sugar
had fired his first hapless junior apprentice. What a relief! Though not, of course, for the hapless apprentice, poor thing.
With the evening's entertainment apparently sorted, the coast was
clear for lunch out at the lovely Sea Lane Cafe, watching the kite surfers racing across a grey and turbulent sea. After which we made five (yes, five!) Five Minute Chocolate Mug Cakes (see my Cook Book page.) Nobody has ever, in the history of
cooking, made quite so much mess in the space of five short minutes. The inside of the microwave is awash with sticky chocolate, I have five mugs thickly coated inside and out with chocolate cake, and everyone over the age of 13 feels ever so slightly
And then they were gone! Off back home, presumably (unless the plans have changed again) via the Ten Pin Bowling Alley. I feel quite lost without them.
I suppose there's always Angry Birds...